Reasons why Drea is the only person I need 

• Me: Drea help I am being attacked by Punk/Cena feels and their respective Tumblr tags are scary and I've read ALL THE FIC THAT'S OUT THERE.
• Drea: SSH JOHN'S ASS IS PUNK'S PRECIOUS AND HE WILL PROTECT IT WITH ALL OF HIS TATTOOED FURY. ALL YOU NEED IS CANON, ASHLEY, IT'S ALL THERE.
• Me: OH MY GOD NOW I HAVE THE MENTAL PICTURE OF PUNK AND JOHN IN BED, WITH JOHN SLEEPING AND PUNK STROKING HIS ASS AND MUTTERING "PRECIOUS" UNDER HIS BREATH. Also I am thisclose to writing Punk/Cena fic, and I don't know if I can stop myself
• Drea: DON'T STOP GET IT GET IT. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO.

Sensitive Fangirl Problem #428: Making Your Friends Regret Ever Giving You Their Phone Number 

• Me: I'll make this brief. I finished A Storm of Swords. OMG LADY STONEHEART OMG
• Work BFF: Haha! I thought you would be excited about that.
• Me: I AM EXCITED AND TERRIFIED AND SHAKING AND CRYING AND OMG. That is all.
• Work BFF: LOL!
• Me: HIDE YO FREYS, HIDE YO BOLTONS, CAUSE LADY STONEHEART IS GONNA KILL EVERYBODY UP IN WESTEROS.
• Work BFF: Haha! You should make a video of yourself singing that. LOL!
• Me: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO DO RIGHT NOW. SOMEONE TAKE THE WHEEL I AM DROWNING IN THE FEELS RIVER.
• Work BFF: I recommend breathing. Then start mentally preparing yourself for the next book.
• Me: OH GOD NOOOOOOO. THIS SERIES IS RUINING MY LIFE. I'm going to go cry in bed now.
• Work BFF: Haha! Sorry!
• Me: My therapy bills, once I'm done with this series, you're paying them.
• Work BFF: Not a chance. Mail them to the author.
• Me: NO THAT ASSHOLE WILL JUST SEND THEM BACK WITH A NOTE ON THEM SAYING, "BTW I'M KILLING STANNIS NEXT."

Feelings are terrible. 

• Me: I thought feelings like this were supposed to be good and make you feel good and fantastic and wonderful. Feelings like this just cause me to have a nervous breakdown about how many different ways I suck.
• Friend: How does this mean you suck?
• Me: I was under the impression that being a selfish asshole means you suck. I mean, I don't think being a selfish asshole means I suck, I like being a selfish asshole, but that's the impression I get from others.

Trying to coax the BFF into watching Spartacus 

• Me: All of the characters are wonderful, and it really is one of the most diverse casts, and it's feminist and loves the gays and it is wonderful. And feels. Lots of feels. Not, like, Supernatural-level feels, but a substantial amount of feels.
• Jack: LOL An acceptable level of feels, okay.
• Me: Yes. You will be happy again after watching Spartacus. Maybe not for a little bit, but it will not destroy your will to live.

The email conversation that proves that if there is a hell, I've got a first class seat on the plane ride there 

• Work BFF: How was your weekend?
• Me: I spent all weekend watching that Lady Gaga video for "Judas" so I could stare at Norman Reedus' dirty Jesus-betrayin' ass.
• Work BFF: OMG I just literally laughed out loud
• Me: SERIOUSLY. HE'S WALKING AROUND ALL BAREFOOT AND I'M LIKE "OH BABY YOUR FEET UNF UNF." And she smears lipstick on him, and I'm like "...I'll be in my bunk."
• Work BFF: GREAT NOW MY BOSS JUST CAME OVER TO ASK ME WHAT WAS FUNNY. THANKS A LOT.
• Me: I would betray Jesus for Judas if Judas looked like Norman Reedus.

Self beauty care is the worst. 

• Me: So I've been experimenting with doing my own eyebrows.
• Jack: How's it going?
• Me: I think I'm getting the hang of it. They're still a little too thick for my liking, and my left eyebrow has mutant hair, I swear to God, but it's okay.
• Jack: LOL
• Me: I'M SERIOUS. My right eyebrow is cool. A little thick, but it adapts well to the idea of a curve. My left? NOPE. FIRST OF ALL, THE HAIR FOLLICLES ARE ACTUALLY CEMENT AND THE HAIR THAT GROWS IN THEM ARE MADE OF IRON, WHICH MAKES PULLING HAIRS OUT IMPOSSIBLE AND VERY PAINFUL.
• Jack: sdfhsd;fl
• Me: SECOND OF ALL, APPARENTLY MY LEFT EYEBROW'S MOTTO IS "CAN'T STOP WON'T STOP CAN'T BE TAMED I'M A FREE BITCH BABY" Other than that, it's going fine.
• Jack: Clearly, LOL

The Adventures of Jack and Ashley, Two Bros in Love with TV Shows That Ruin Their Lives 

• Jack: Next week is when Cas comes back, too. AND MEG.
• Me: I vote for a threesome of the Lonely Outcasts.
• Jack: This I would not be opposed to.
• Me: I think by this point, the three of them deserve it. As do the fans.
• Jack: You bet your ass we do. After the shit this season has put us through ALONE.
• Me: I understand your feels. I understand. Your feels were my feels after season 5 of Buffy. That's why I'm gobsmacked when everyone's like, "BUFFY SHOULD HAVE ENDED AFTER SEASON 5, THE SEASON 5 FINALE WAS PERFECT." And I'm like, "ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE?! BUFFY LOST EVERYTHING AND THEN SACRIFICED HERSELF TO SAVE THE WORLD, THEREBY ENSURING THAT THE PATRIARCHIAL LINE OF THE SLAYER CONTINUES! YOU THINK THIS IS PERFECT?!" Which is why when seasons 6 and 7 aired, I was like, "PLEASE GOD SHOW STOP PUTTING ME THROUGH THIS TORTURE AND GIVE HER A SLIVER OF HAPPINESS."
• Jack: lol you could literally replace Buffy with Supernatural in that description and it would still apply
• Me: The only difference is that the latter seasons of Buffy weren't as terrible as SPN. Although it can be argued when season 7 of Buffy is concerned.
• Jack: Supernatural is the opposite, really. Season six was a nightmare. So many good ideas utterly squandered by bad writing and aborted arcs and a complete lack of continuity. Season seven is still pretty eh overall, but it's an improvement. When it's good, it's fucking fantastic. Granted when it's bad, it's embarrassing. But.
• Me: Your entire description of season 6 of SPN is the exact summary of season 7 of Buffy. And vice versa.

Tumblr > Reality 

• Me: My level of tolerance for this shit has become so low. I think it's because I have a 21-year-old moron sitting near me who constantly talks about how fat she is, makeup, dating, Jersey Shore.
• Jack: Oh jesus christ
• Me: I've discovered that the worst thing about Tumblr is that because I'm surrounded by like-minded people, I forget other types of people exist.
• Jack: That is an unfortunate drawback.
• Me: It is. It's like being dumped into an ice cold vat of water every time I get out of my computer chair.

• Stephanie: He was a ginger, though. It's...it makes me feel dirty.
• Me: Gurl. Just embrace it.
• Stephanie: I blame your boy Sharklepuss for that.
• Me: He thanks you for your time and your fapping.

disappointme replied to your chat: Stephanie: I suppose your opinion of movies is…

Let it be known that I’m wearing sweats and a Louis Vuitton scarf. Because that’s how I roll.

Gurl swagga on that hundred thousand trillion.